The Graduate Should Never Have Graduated to Print

The Graduate by Charles Webb
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

I am sure I can write a review in the style of this book. I read most of it on a subway and then on a bus. I stopped and stared at the words on the pages sometimes. Then I would talk to myself.

"Self, are you enjoying this book?"

"Why? Are you trying to seduce me?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about. I just want you to unzip my dress because I can't reach the zipper. But really, are you enjoying this book?"

"Not really. I mean it's interesting in the way that truly awful things are always interesting. But it must be better than I think because it's so famous. But no, I guess I'm not really enjoying it."

"What are you going to do about that?"

"Nothing."

"What do you mean nothing?"

"I mean nothing. I'm just going to sit here and keep reading."

"How can you do nothing? Why would you read a book you're not enjoying? What's wrong with you?"

"I just can, that's all."

"Well I don't see how you can. You need to do something. You should have a plan. A definite plan. I'm going to worry about you until you have a definite plan."

"If I come up with a definite plan to do something other than nothing, will you marry me?"

"Well I used to think you raped my mother and five minutes ago I never wanted to see you again. So I guess my answer is maybe."

"Great, let's go get our blood tests in the morning."

"Maybe. But I might have decided to marry someone else by then."


I almost gave it two stars because it was interesting in a very awkward way. But then I realized how much the above dialogue summed up the book for me. I had to take away the second star.


View all my reviews